A Tasty Snack

The following is by guest contributor Dave.
Fernando peeled back his foreskin, and among the various layers of caked in dry pus, old discharges of differing kinds and the ever present warts, he spied a tasty morsel of a mature blue cheese scented gunk. “Hmm” he pondered, it must be a fresh treat as it wasn’t there the day before. The rewards for not washing were always to be reaped with joy.

The Morgue

Wearing only a mini skirt and wonderbra, fat hairy Fernando was pleased to discover, as he snuck through the morgue toe sucking the cadavers, that some of them still had plenty of toe cheese. Though tasting a bit stale from mixing with all the dead toe skin, he was still pleasantly surprised.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

After shagging three cheap ugly hookers without a condom and not having washed for 15 days, the moment Fernando had been preparing for for over 2 weeks had finally arrived. “I’ll have the special “penis-dip-your-own-pint” please, and a packet of cheese and onion crisps” he gleefully told the barman, so unable to control his excitement that piss was seepins down his hairy leg under his hot-pink trousers.

Grandma's Rememdy

The small dog struggled as his Master held him still, whimpering helplessly while Fernando wiped his filthy boogers on the dogs stinking slimy butthole. He added a dash of Tabasco sauce to the dog’s booger-covered-anus and as Fernando proceeded to lick the now Tabasco-booger-covered-dog’s butthole, he thought, “I hope Grandma’s remedy for impotency works . . . “

How Fernando Dickblocks His Mates